That Might Become a Joke

Performed at Hostel International for the first time last night. Of all the hostels in this city that spring comedy shows on unsuspecting foreigners, this one takes the cake. It was so clean and spacious. It also featured travelers from such corners of the world as Texas, Mexico, Whales and Alaska. In other words, they spoke English. Even the Swedes could follow.

These rooms are the best for abandoning material and making a friend. Because unless you create a rapport with the visitors, you don't know why they're not laughing (Angry? Sad? Bored? Stupid?) So in between jokes I did crowd work to get more enthusiasm. Sometimes just riffing can lead you to a joke you never knew you had.

My exchange with a sniffling Australian:

Me: You're holding Kleenex. Do you have a cold?
Aussie: Yeah, I don't know what to take. I don't understand American medicine.
Me: And yet, you speak English. "This one says, 'treats a cold...' what does that MEAN?!"
Aussie: There's too many different kinds, I don't know what to use.
Me: That's true. You can get your medicine in pill form, liquid form, tea form, burger form.
Aussie: (quizzical look)
Me: That's what I tell myself when I'm at McDonalds. "Mama needs her medicine."

Special thanks to Ruhbin Mehta for having me on. Mad Dog Mattern had a really fun set where he challenged himself to have a one-on-one with each of the 15 audience members. He discovered a possible half-brother, a feminist from China, a 12 year old Swedish heckler, and a man whose beard cures diseases.

Hostelling International
891 Amsterdam Avenue
New York, NY 10025

Vox Poppin'

Emily Epstein to Statue of Liberty replica: "You in the back, Ma'am, the one in green--you have a question?"

Had a good time hosting Rachael Parenta's Vox Pop comedy show at the coffee house by the same name in Ditmas Park. We had a fun show. Pat O'Shea unveiled new sideburns, Charles Star emerged from babydom to make a special appearance, Paul Goncalves got all Marc Maron-y on stage (essence of), Rachael popped off her shortest jokes in a fast-paced end to a fun set, and Luke was the closer. I tried to weave the real life observation of a dog that was in the back of the coffee shop into my jokes about breeds. But I went back and forth with the pet-owners about whether it was a Boston Terrier or a Frenchie, and finally the shop-owner urged us to move on because he wasn't supposed to know about pets in the first place.

Sorry to be the whistle-blower. It's my job to point things out.

Another funny moment was this bespectacled couple in the middle of the room that was loathe to participate. Luke asked general questions of the audience and after the two didn't answer any he concluded that they did not speak English. They insisted they did, and then they just sat like stones. In a warmly-lit coffee shop with everyone around you shouting answers, there's no need to be afraid. It only supports my theory that people with glasses are weird.

Vox Pop
3rd Saturdays at 9:00PM, FREE
1022 Courtelyou Rd, Brooklyn 11218
(Dec 19th features Rob Cantrell!)

Setting the (Beauty) Bar High

Here's Luke performing at Vince Averill's and Jesse Pop's show at Beauty Bar. The very show I lamented forgetting about a couple weeks ago.

Luke had a fine set, Vince was great as usual, and I got to meet Mike Kosta and Ilana Glazer for the first time. I laughed particularly hard at Brent Sullivan, who recently appeared on Comedy Central's Live at Gotham. He has one joke about the first time he ever made himself laugh. It begins, "You know how some people have those faces that are so ugly, it just really makes you mad?" The set-up holds a lot of promise and does not disappoint. Brent has an unusually calm, slow-paced delivery that reels you in, and then he drops a hilarious punchline on you from out of nowhere.

Beauty Bar
Sundays at 9:00PM
231 E 14th St, 10003
FREE

Happy Sanksgiving

I had an early Thanksgiving meal with my good comedy buddy, Josh Sankey.



You might recognize him from every commercial ever made. I have a single boob in this shot. Not that there's anything wrong with that. But I'm not a cancer survivor. My other one is hiding shyly behind Josh. Come on out, my darling. There's nothing to be afraid of.

Speaking of breasts, look at that turkey! The spread was amazing.

What you don't understand is that in front of the ham was a bowl of sweet potatoes with sugary pecan brittle on top. The stuffing had apples--APPLES--and there were three bowls of cranberry sauce. Mine was the bomb (home made with pears and orange zest), but it was overshadowed by a large Goliath bowl full of SAVORY cran sauce. You heard that correctly. Hot, salty berries. Put that in a gravy boat, and call me Susan.

This nice lady slaved over a hot stove to make one of the most beautiful birds I've ever seen.


She asked me if I wanted some white meat or AN ENTIRE TURKEY LEG.


CHOMP.

I didn't know any of the guests so it was fun to meet so many new people. Everyone had a different story about how they met Josh. "I know him through this guy I met in a bar,"..."I'm his agent,"..."He was my mover once..." I couldn't even remember how I met him; I just was magically on his dinner mailing list. After bumping into him at auditions I decided to trek up to "Camp Wayne" in Jersey City. He's a pretty special guy with an infectious playfulness who is one of the hardest working actor/writer/comedians I know.

Eat a whole turkey leg, meet some strangers and have fun this holiday.

Lounge Lizards

After hearing stories of people performing in laundromats and gas stations, and after having lived through performing in basements and on the street by a subway station, I have one more for the history books. I performed in the lounge of a high-end apartment complex in Times Square.

The first cool thing about the night was that I saw Laurie Metcalf in the lobby. She stole glances at me about three times as if to say, "You do recognize me, don't you?" All celebs do this. They can't help it. By the way, she does not like to be called, "AUNT JACKIE!!" The second cool thing was that it was next to the Hershey's store, so I had Twizzlers for dinner. I just stared off and let them dangle from my mouth, like a horse eating hay.



I also found this pack of hockey puck-sized Reese's cups. WORLD'S LARGEST. Only fifteen dollars. You know, what you would pay two people to have lunch.

The show itself was fun. The layout of the room was two different waiting areas. The audiences could not see each other, and without a mic, you felt like you had to project your voice in two different directions. It reminded me of doing dinner theater where you have to keep entering rooms to entertain people. Jeff Ashworth, Nick Cobb, Gilad Foss and I had lots of fun and well-received sets.

Performing on the street still takes the cake. I was right outside of a Subway entrance, and every five minutes there was a mass exodus of "audience." I couldn't get full bits out. I just did moving crowd work. "You look like Einstein! Fred Flintstone, what are you doing wearing shoes? Dr. Quinn Medicine Woman I presume?"

Coffee? Tea? Me?

Worked out plenty of new jokes at Luke's Show in Harlem last night. The turnout was decent, with every audience member engaged and ready to laugh. The venue is a coffee shop which makes it hard to deal with people that DON'T want to watch a show. "Oh you go on and do your comedy thing. I'm just going to talk loudly on my cell phone. Marsha? HI! A comedy show just started inches in front of me! Is it funny? I don't know! Let me check! (pause) No, no one's saying anything! It's really quiet in here actually!"

Perhaps I worked out too many new ones, because there were those long gaps of silence that no amount of playful ad-libbing could save. The only remedy would have been stock material. Afterwards, Luke, Nick Cobb and I rode the train home, dissecting which bits need work. Luke said, "If you had asked me before the show how much new stuff you should do, I would say, 20-30% new material, and 80-70% stuff that you know works." Well I DIDN'T ASK YOU. At least I got one quiet lady to quietly laugh at a new bit about babysitting.

Society Comedy
Mondays at 8:00PM
2104 Frederick Douglas Blvd (at 114th)
New York, NY 10026

My Mic Sounds Nice

I attended the Gotham Open Mic and won a free spot on Jessica Kirson's New Talent Showcase. How can YOU get a chance to win? Take one of Jessica's classes / coaching sessions, regularly attend the mic, give feedback to other comics, and stay until the very end. All of these things seem stupid to the new comic. I see it a lot at mics I host--the greener the comedian, the less time they want to stay and watch someone else. They're usually too nervous to pay attention or too eager to get back home. Sometimes they want to leave because they think that's what "real comics" do--appear too important to need to stick around. And sometimes they don't want to hear bad comedy. When it comes to feedback they are too proud to receive it and too self-conscious to offer it to anyone else. They also don't want to take a stand-up comedy class. This I understand--I don't believe in stand-up comedy classes as a necessity to get better. Neither does Jerry Seinfeld. But a lot of people could benefit from advice, as I did with a 1-on-1 session.

I like this particular mic because it's a chance to have receive honest critique in a positive atmosphere. A lot of the feedback contradicts itself, so you have to take it with a grain of salt. But it's always offered with the best intentions. The mic is led by Yonah Ward Grossman, whose funny reminder e-mails are reason enough for being on the mailing list.

For more details on all open mics, check out badslava.com, the best open mic list there is!

Missing a Gig

Last night while checking my e-mail I realized I was scheduled to do Vince Averill's and Jesse Pop's Beauty Bar show a week ago. I failed to put it in my calendar, and so I completely missed it. That's a horrible feeling for a comedian. Not only does it make you look unprofessional but it is a missed opportunity to get better. Every minute of stage time is crucial to growth as a comic. Remember how Kris-Kross felt when they missed the bus? It's like that.

On the bright side, I did fold some socks that night.

Let's Not Beat Around the Bush

In my spam folder I got a message marked, "SPAM" in the title. Well, at least they're honest. As for the rest of the subject line, I do not plan on calling to confirm.

Baloon Boy and Mom Go Into Hiding

Or is it just another publicity stunt?